Make, Break, It Will Be Okay
New Year’s resolutions have been around for some 4,000 years, having started with the ancient Babylonians, according to the history books. What also has been around just as long is people breaking those resolutions and feeling bad about it.
We decided to ask a few of our Happier Living clinicians their thoughts on this ancient ritual and whether there might be a better way.
“While the New Year heralds an opportunity to reflect upon where we've been, where we are and where we might go next, the pressure we place on ourselves to make New Year's resolutions often sets us up for failure,” says Dr. Alexis Weisinger, Happier Living’s director of clinical experience. “By frontloading the effort, we tend to start strong, burn bright and then burn out, due to placing especially high pressure on this one time of year to make some monumental change.”
Dr. Weisinger suggests there is a better way. “Psychology teaches us that the best way to bring about and sustain change is to commit to a series of smaller, more easily attainable goals throughout the year where the achievement of each small goal positively reinforces us to continue to work toward larger goals. One way to accomplish this is through the creation of S.M.A.R.T. goals, or goals that are (S)pecific, (M)easurable, (A)chievable, (R)elevant and (T)ime-bound.”
The good news is you don’t have to do it on your own; Happier Living clinicians are happy to help guide you. “Engaging in a meaningful psychotherapeutic relationship can help you to develop these goals and cultivate the habits that help you to maintain them, in order to live the life you imagine for yourself,” says Dr. Weisinger.
For Happier Living licensed psychologist Angela L. Babadjanian, making New Year’s resolutions should be a positive experience. “I believe that the most important part about creating and establishing New Year's resolutions is practicing kindness and self-compassion,” she says. “Through various research findings, we understand that we do better when we feel supported, and while we may be good about practicing compassion towards others, we may not always be the best at reciprocating self-compassion; we tend to be our own bullies at times.”
Approached in a gentle way, they can still be beneficial as they help inform people's values and goal settings, says Dr. Babadjanian. “Essentially, it helps set the scene for your upcoming year,” she says. “For me, even if I don't master every goal by the end of the year, which totally happens, I will continue striving for it, if it aligns with my values.”
Whatever you do, don’t worry if you don’t stick to a New Year’s resolution. “There is always a new day,” says Happier Living’s licensed psychologist Dr. Deanna Ryerson.
